‘overwhelmedness’ if there is such a word

I call her twice or three times a day. And yet I still cannot shake off the utter guilt that haunts me to no ends. That I am here and not there. That I am not the one by the hospital bed daily but the others are. That I can do just that 2 or 3 times phone calls a day to her ward and nothing else. Nothing else… save maybe for prayers here and there.

Am I useless or what?

Damn it. Oh damn it.


5 thoughts on “‘overwhelmedness’ if there is such a word

  1. I googled “overwhelmedness” and came across this post — it’s been a couple months, so maybe your situation has resolved, but if not — I feel you. It’s hard to be the one “away,” and not feel guilt for having some sort of privilege that comes through distance. But if you are calling, and making it known that you care, you are doing the best you can. If you can, give yourself permission to grieve in the way you have available to you… It’s the most we can do.

  2. I, too, was looking for the word “overwhelmedness”. it appears to exist only by uncommon usage 😉

    good for you and your mom both. as your buddy in word-coining, I wish you the best.

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