When I write about aikido here, very often I write about its principles and theories which my teachers ingrained upon me . They are basically the fundamental guidelines of seekers/students in this art. They are intriguing, all wholesomely good and inspiring etc, but truth be told, for me- personally, it is not an easy art to master. Alot, and I really mean ALOT of hard work, hard knocks, heart wrenches happen behind the scene of trying to master even a simple technique properly, so that it will manifest the principles as intended by the founder.
It is tiring, not to even mention trying sometimes in a 2 hour class. Sometimes I just didn’t have the stamina, or the focus or the mood, but I push myself to go on. Sometimes in the middle of the lesson when I feel that’s it, I’ve had enough and I all I want to do is to bow out and sit at the sidelines, only to be told that my ukemi is wrong and I have to do 1o times more, or my rolls are not perfect and I have to do yet another set, or get a sparring partner twice my size who fell on me, or keep hearing my name being called out for an iriminage not done the right way etc etc… I even have moments when I asked myself, why the blardy hell am I doing all these for?
I have only one answer for that and I guess that is enough to keep me going. For the love of it. Love can do many strange things to people. When Shakespeare said that ‘love is blind and lovers cannot see‘, my guess is, it has blinded me to all these bruises, hard knocks and hard work during trainings. All I want to do is to master this art, simply for the love of it. And with all love stories, be it monkey love or epic love, it is always bittersweet, at times painful and heartbreaking. However, despite it all, humans generally allow themselves to fall in love over and over again- for that strange sensation of exhilaration which only the one in love can feel.
Having said all that, just now, in the peak of frustrations over myself for not being able to do some things right, I pushed my teacher down in retaliation when he was demonstrating how to do the shuwariwaza kokyoho. It shocked him indeed, but instead of scolding me or disciplining me, he burst out laughing. I must have looked like a silly but ridiculously tired kid showing tantrums.
Whoever said love is easy?