Of Letting Go…

AnaSalwa, a fellow blogger wrote an entry about ‘Letting go’ one day and the post, together with the current book I am reading currently by Shaykh Nazim Al Haqqani,

Image taken from here.

and also remembering the contents a book by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf I’ve read about 2 years ago,

Image taken from here.

…made me muster up enough courage to really, just let go. I had been made angry- too angry… by a certain someone and I over time, I realise this anger has greatly affected my personal spiritual journey. And I do not want to be carrying this excess negative baggage no more. Hence one night, after reading a chapter of The Mystic Footsteps of Saints where I read that, ‘ For man, it is easier to move mountains or even ridges of Mountains, than crush a speck of his ego.. ‘

Oh how true are those words, for the night when I couldn’t sleep and I sat with a blank face in front of the laptop preparing to write the closure email to her, telling her I am letting go of any speck of anger I have felt towards her and have forgiven her for everything, and I hope she forgives me too, I shook and broke into cold sweat. As though I was running a high fever. After clicking on the sent button to that email, I felt as though a tremendous amount of weight had been lifted up from my shoulders and when I touched my face, I realised it was all wet with tears.

Just now, I got an email from her, amongst the content is the request that ‘we would one day be able to heal the relationship’. She didn’t apologise for what she did. She said, ‘alot of things happened always have two sides of the coin to it’.

So be it. I let her have her way to judge her own doing. As for me, I have done my part by moving the ridges of mountains by crushing my ego to be the first one between us to mend the ties. And for that, I feel my soul liberated.

6 thoughts on “Of Letting Go…

  1. I recently had someone from my past say she hates me… It hurt like hell, because I did not do anything to warrant that kind of emotion from her… Maybe she has a problem letting go of some things…

  2. I have to admit, sometimes it’s hard for me to forgive and forget.

    I usually won’t pretend to be nice to someone who’s gone out of their way to aggravate me. I’ll give them one good glance and stalk off, for months even😀

    Usually during Lebaran time there will be some ceasefire, aka make nice, but to be totally honest, if one has hurt me that much, I’ll usually ignore them forever.

    But this is just once or twice🙂 generally I get along fine with my friends. Especially close ones, since i don’t have a lot.

  3. Heru,
    Maybe I would have the same attitude if she had been just a friend or an acquaintance. But she is family so it’s a difficult water to tread on…

  4. i know what u mean by letting go..
    a lot of times we let ourselves get consumed by feelings eh..and i tend to want to please pple..so i feel conflicted sometimes.

    n yeah, sometimes with close friends or family it’s even more difficult..because we have different expectations from them

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